Author: Heather H.

Heather Hassenbein is a Registered Clinical Counsellor and Professional Art Therapist in Vancouver, BC.
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10 Self-Care Practices for Highly Sensitive People

As a highly sensitive person, you may find yourself feeling overwhelmed and drained by the demands of daily life. The world can be a challenging and often overstimulating place for those who are highly sensitive, and it’s important to take care of yourself in order to maintain your mental and emotional health. In this blog post, we will explore 10 self-care practices that can benefit highly sensitive people and help you feel more grounded and resilient.

Image by Tiny Tribes from Pixabay
  1. Practice Mindfulness: Mindfulness is the practice of being fully present in the moment and paying attention to your thoughts, feelings, and surroundings without judgment. For highly sensitive people, mindfulness can be an effective tool for managing overstimulation and overwhelm. By focusing on the present moment and letting go of worry about the future or regret about the past, you can reduce stress and anxiety and cultivate a greater sense of calm and inner peace. You can practice mindfulness through meditation, deep breathing exercises, or simply by taking a few moments to be still and observe your surroundings.
  2. Set Boundaries: As a highly sensitive person, it’s important to set clear boundaries in your relationships and your daily life. This may mean saying no to social invitations or taking a break from social media and other forms of technology. It may also mean communicating your needs and limits to others and advocating for yourself when necessary. By setting boundaries, you can create a sense of safety and security that can help you better manage your emotions and maintain your mental and emotional health.
  3. Practice Self-Compassion: Self-compassion is the practice of treating yourself with kindness and understanding, even in moments of difficulty or challenge. For highly sensitive people, self-compassion can be a powerful tool for managing intense emotions and reducing self-criticism. By practicing self-compassion, you can cultivate a greater sense of self-worth and self-acceptance, which can help you navigate the ups and downs of life with greater resilience and ease.
  4. Engage in Creative Expression: Engaging in creative activities can be a powerful form of self-care and a way for highly sensitive people to process and express their emotions in a safe and healthy way. Whether it’s writing, painting, dancing, or playing music, creative expression can also be a form of meditation that helps to focus attention and quiet the mind. It allows individuals to channel their emotions in a positive way and find joy in self-expression. You don’t have to be a professional artist to benefit from creative activities; finding an activity that brings you joy and allows you to express yourself can be incredibly therapeutic.
  5. Practice Gratitude: Gratitude is a powerful tool for highly sensitive people to reduce stress and anxiety and cultivate joy and contentment. By intentionally focusing on the positive aspects of your life and feeling thankful for what you have, you can shift your focus away from negative thoughts and emotions and cultivate a sense of positivity and optimism. Practicing gratitude can take many forms, such as keeping a gratitude journal, reflecting on what you’re thankful for each day, or expressing gratitude to others through acts of kindness and appreciation. Whether you choose to appreciate the beauty around you or focus on the small things in life, the practice of gratitude can help highly sensitive people to feel more grounded and centered.
  6. Engage in Physical Activity: Physical activity is an important form of self-care for highly sensitive people. Exercise can help you reduce stress, improve mood, and increase energy levels. It can also be a form of mindfulness, helping you to focus your attention and release tension from your body. You can engage in physical activity by going for a walk, taking a yoga class, or trying a new form of exercise that you enjoy.
  7. Spend Time in Nature: Nature can serve as a healing and grounding presence for highly sensitive people, and spending time in natural surroundings can help to reduce stress and anxiety, improve mood, and cultivate a greater sense of peace and well-being. Whether you choose to go for a hike, visit a local park or nature reserve, or simply spend time in your own backyard, connecting with nature can be an incredibly grounding and restorative form of self-care.
  8. Practice Emotional Regulation: Emotional regulation is the practice of managing intense emotions in a healthy and productive way. For highly sensitive people, emotional regulation can be an important form of self-care, helping you to manage overstimulation and overwhelm. One way to practice emotional regulation is to identify your triggers and develop strategies to manage your response. This could include deep breathing exercises, mindfulness meditation, or talking to a trusted friend or counsellor. It can also be helpful to have a self-soothing kit or comfort items on hand, such as a weighted blanket, essential oils, or a comforting object, to help you feel grounded and calm.
  9. Set Boundaries: As a highly sensitive person, it can be challenging to navigate the demands of everyday life without feeling overwhelmed or drained. Setting boundaries is an important form of self-care for highly sensitive people, as it can help you to manage overstimulation and protect your energy. This can include things like saying no to social events or activities that don’t align with your values or priorities, setting limits on the amount of time you spend on social media or other forms of technology, and communicating your needs and boundaries clearly to others. Setting boundaries can help you feel more in control of your time and energy, and prevent burnout.
  10. Calm Environment: Creating a calming environment in your home can help reduce overstimulation and promote feelings of calm and relaxation. This can include incorporating soothing colors and textures, minimizing clutter, and adding plants or natural elements to your space. By creating a calming environment, you can cultivate a safe space where you feel comfortable and relaxed.

Seeking support is also an important self-care practice for highly sensitive people. Seeking support from a trusted friend, family member, or an HSP counsellor can be an effective way to feel seen, heard, and understood. An experienced HSP counsellor can provide tools and strategies for managing sensitivity in a healthy way.

Self-care is essential for highly sensitive people to maintain their mental and emotional health. By practicing self-compassion, engaging in activities that promote calm and relaxation, and setting boundaries, highly sensitive people can learn to manage their sensitivity in a healthy and positive way. It is important to incorporate some of these self-care practices into your daily routine and see how they can benefit your overall wellbeing. Whether it’s practicing mindfulness, engaging in creative activities, or seeking support from a trusted professional, there are many ways to practice self-care as a highly sensitive person. So take the time to tune in to your needs and prioritize your self-care. By engaging in practices that help you manage your sensitivity, set boundaries, and cultivate self-awareness, you can create a sense of balance and well-being in your life.

At Constellations Counselling, we specialize in working with highly sensitive people and offer a safe and supportive space for you to explore your emotions, reflect on your experiences, and develop a deeper understanding of yourself. Contact us today to learn more about how we can support you on your journey.

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10 Journaling Prompts for Highly Sensitive People: A Self-Discovery Journey

Have you ever felt overwhelmed by your thoughts and emotions? Or struggled to express yourself in a way that feels authentic and meaningful? If so, you might benefit from journaling. Journaling is the act of writing down your thoughts and feelings in a safe and private space. It’s a simple but powerful tool that can help you better understand yourself, manage stress and anxiety, and improve your mental health and wellbeing.

Benefits of Journaling

Journaling has numerous benefits for your mental health and wellbeing. Here are just a few:

  1. Reduces Stress and Anxiety – Writing down your thoughts and feelings can help you process and manage stress and anxiety. It can provide a sense of relief and help you gain perspective on your problems.
  2. Improves Mood – Journaling can help you identify negative thought patterns and reframe them in a more positive light. It can also help you focus on the good things in your life and cultivate gratitude.
  3. Boosts Self-Awareness – Journaling can help you become more self-aware and reflective. It can help you identify your values, goals, and desires, and gain a deeper understanding of yourself.
  4. Enhances Creativity – Journaling can help you tap into your creativity and express yourself in a more authentic way. It can also help you generate new ideas and insights.
  5. Improves Relationships – Journaling can help you communicate more effectively with others by helping you better understand your own feelings and needs. It can also help you work through conflicts and improve your relationships.

How to Get Started

Getting started with journaling is easy. All you need is a notebook and a pen. Here are some tips to help you get started:

  1. Set aside time each day for journaling – This can be as little as five minutes or as long as an hour. The key is to make it a regular habit.
  2. Choose a private and comfortable space – Find a quiet and private space where you can write without interruption. Make sure you’re comfortable and relaxed.
  3. Write freely – Don’t worry about grammar, spelling, or punctuation. Just write down whatever comes to mind.
  4. Focus on the process, not the outcome – Journaling is not about writing something perfect or profound. It’s about the act of writing itself and the benefits it provides.
  5. Be honest and authentic – Write down your true thoughts and feelings, even if they’re uncomfortable or difficult.
Image by CharuTyagi from Pixabay

Journaling Prompts for Highly Sensitive People

  1. What are some situations that trigger my sensitivity? How do I react to these situations, and how can I better manage my response?
  2. What are some ways I can practice self-care and recharge my energy as a highly sensitive person? What activities make me feel most alive and grounded?
  3. What are some values that are important to me as a highly sensitive person? How can I live in alignment with these values?
  4. What are some areas of my life where I feel overwhelmed or stressed? How can I create more balance and ease in these areas?
  5. What are some qualities I admire in myself as a highly sensitive person? How can I cultivate these qualities more fully?
  6. What are some fears or limiting beliefs that hold me back as a highly sensitive person? How can I challenge these beliefs and move beyond them?
  7. What are some relationships in my life that nourish me as a highly sensitive person? How can I cultivate more of these types of relationships?
  8. What are some ways I can practice mindfulness and stay present in the moment as a highly sensitive person?
  9. What are some things I’m grateful for as a highly sensitive person? How can I cultivate a practice of gratitude and appreciation in my daily life?
  10. What are some ways I can express my creativity and emotions as a highly sensitive person? How can I use my sensitivity as a strength in my creative pursuits?

These prompts are just a starting point, and you can tailor them to your own needs and preferences. Remember that journaling is a personal and flexible practice, and there is no right or wrong way to do it. The most important thing is to show up for yourself and allow yourself the space to explore your thoughts, feelings, and experiences.

Overall, highly sensitive people can use journaling as a powerful tool to gain a deeper understanding of themselves and their experiences, identify patterns and triggers, develop coping strategies, and learn to manage their sensitivity in a healthy and positive way. By incorporating journaling into your self-care routine, you can benefit your wellbeing. This reflective practice can help you explore your emotions, reflect on your experiences, and cultivate self-awareness and self-care. Regularly engaging in journaling can enable you to better understand yourself and your needs, and develop strategies to manage your sensitivity in a healthy and positive way. So grab a pen and paper, and start exploring the depths of your sensitivity through journaling.

If you’re interested in exploring your sensitivity further or have any questions about journaling, feel free to reach out to a Vancouver counsellor at Constellations Counselling.

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Introverts, Extroverts, and Everything in Between: Understanding Personality Types

Have you ever wondered why some people thrive in social situations while others prefer to stay in and recharge their batteries? Or why some people seem to be in their element when they are on stage or in front of a crowd, while others prefer to stay behind the scenes? The answer lies in personality types, specifically the four main types: introverts, extroverts, ambiverts, and omniverts. We will explore each of these personality types, their differences and similarities, and what each needs in order to support their overall wellbeing.

Introverts

Introverts are often characterized as people who prefer solitude and quiet environments. They tend to be introspective and enjoy deep conversations with a few close friends rather than socializing in large groups. Introverts also tend to have a rich inner world and may enjoy solitary activities such as reading, writing, or art.

An introvert might enjoy spending their evening at home with a good book or watching a movie, rather than going out to a loud party or gathering. They may feel drained or overwhelmed after too much social interaction and need time alone to recharge their batteries.

Extroverts

Extroverts are often described as outgoing, sociable, and energized by social interaction. They tend to thrive in group settings and enjoy being the center of attention. Extroverts also tend to be action-oriented and may prefer to jump into new experiences rather than take a step back and reflect.

An extrovert might enjoy going out to a party or concert, meeting new people, and having stimulating conversations. They may feel energized and excited after social interaction and may even become restless or bored when alone for too long.

Ambiverts

Ambiverts fall somewhere in between introverts and extroverts. They have a balance of both introverted and extroverted traits and tend to adapt to their surroundings. Ambiverts may enjoy socializing in small groups or one-on-one, but also need time alone to recharge their batteries.

An ambivert might enjoy going to a social gathering or party, but also appreciate a quiet night in with a few close friends. They may be adaptable and able to thrive in different social situations depending on their mood and needs.

Omniverts

Omniverts are the newest addition to the personality type family. They are defined as people who oscillate between being extremely extroverted and extremely introverted. Their personality is dependent on the environment they are in and they can easily adapt to whatever the social environment requires.

An omnivert might enjoy spending time alone in quiet reflection, engaging in deep conversations with close friends, socializing in large groups, and seeking out new experiences. They may be adaptable and able to thrive in different social situations, but also have a deep need for solitude and self-care.

Differences and Similarities

While each of these personality types has unique traits and tendencies, there are also similarities that connect them. For example, introverts and extroverts both have a need for connection and social interaction, but differ in the amount and intensity of socialization they require. Similarly, ambiverts and omniverts share characteristics of both introverts and extroverts, but lean more towards one end of the spectrum or the other.

It’s important to note that there is no right or wrong personality type. Each type has its own strengths and challenges, and it’s up to individuals to understand and embrace their own unique traits in order to support their overall well-being.

Take a look at each personality type and their defining characteristics and reflect on which one resonates the most with you.

Introverts:

  1. Introverts tend to recharge their energy by spending time alone or in quiet, low-key environments.
  2. They often prefer deep, meaningful conversations with a small group of close friends over superficial small talk with many acquaintances.
  3. Introverts may be more introspective and reflective, spending time thinking about their own thoughts and feelings.
  4. They may have a small circle of close friends rather than a large group of acquaintances.
  5. Introverts may be more observant and attuned to their environment, noticing small details that others may overlook.
  6. They may find it draining to be in social situations for long periods of time and may need to take breaks to recharge.
  7. Introverts may enjoy creative pursuits, such as writing, painting, or playing music, as a way to express themselves and recharge.
  8. They may be more sensitive to external stimuli, such as noise or bright lights, and may feel overwhelmed in busy or chaotic environments.
  9. Introverts may have a preference for working independently or in small groups rather than in large, loud, or high-pressure environments.
  10. They may be more thoughtful and deliberate in their decision-making, taking time to consider all options before making a choice.

Extroverts:

  1. Enjoys socializing and is energized by being around people.
  2. Feels comfortable in new or unfamiliar environments and enjoys meeting new people.
  3. Tends to be outgoing, talkative, and expressive.
  4. Is comfortable with sharing personal information and feelings with others.
  5. May be impulsive and prone to taking risks.
  6. Thrives on variety and excitement and can become easily bored with routine.
  7. Enjoys being the center of attention and may enjoy public speaking or performing.
  8. Tends to process information externally, by talking things through with others.
  9. May be more comfortable with conflict or confrontation, and may be assertive in expressing their opinions.
  10. May struggle with being alone for long periods of time and may seek out social stimulation to avoid boredom or loneliness.

Ambiverts:

  1. Possesses both introverted and extroverted qualities
  2. Can be social and outgoing in certain situations, but also values time alone and quiet environments
  3. Adapts to the social environment they are in
  4. Can be assertive or reserved depending on the situation
  5. Has a balanced level of energy, neither too high nor too low
  6. Enjoys both small gatherings and large events, but may prefer one over the other depending on mood
  7. Is comfortable in both quiet and noisy environments, but may have a preference for one over the other
  8. Has a diverse range of friendships, both outgoing and introverted individuals
  9. Can be empathetic and a good listener, while also enjoying speaking their mind and being assertive
  10. Is adaptable and versatile in social situations, able to navigate different personalities and groups comfortably.

Omniverts:

  1. They enjoy socializing but also need alone time to recharge their energy.
  2. They can be talkative and expressive in some situations, but also comfortable with silence and introspection.
  3. They are able to connect with a wide range of people and can be chameleon-like in their social interactions.
  4. They are adaptable and able to adjust their communication style and behavior based on the social context.
  5. They are good listeners and can engage in deep conversations with others, but also comfortable with small talk.
  6. They have a balance of confidence and humility, and can assert themselves when needed but also value others’ opinions.
  7. They are curious and open-minded, always seeking new experiences and knowledge.
  8. They can be introspective and reflective, but also enjoy taking risks and being spontaneous.
  9. They are creative and imaginative, and can bring unique perspectives to their work and personal life.
  10. They value their independence and autonomy, but also appreciate collaboration and teamwork.

While understanding your personality type can be helpful in understanding your needs and tendencies, it’s important to remember that personality is not set in stone. It’s possible to develop and strengthen different traits and tendencies over time with practice and self-awareness.

For introverts, it’s important to prioritize alone time and rest in order to recharge their energy. They may benefit from activities such as meditation, yoga, or quiet hobbies like painting or writing. In social situations, introverts may benefit from setting boundaries around how much time they spend in social interaction and taking breaks as needed.

For extroverts, it’s important to prioritize social interaction and stimulation in order to feel energized. They may benefit from activities such as team sports, dance classes, or parties. However, it’s also important for extroverts to recognize when they need alone time or rest, and to avoid overextending themselves.

Ambiverts may benefit from finding a balance between social interaction and alone time, and may need to experiment to find what works best for them in different situations. They may benefit from activities that allow for both, such as small group gatherings or solo hobbies.

Omniverts may benefit from recognizing their flexibility and adaptability, and using it to their advantage in different situations. They may benefit from being intentional about how they use their energy and setting boundaries around social interaction and alone time as needed.

Personality and Counselling

Understanding your personality type can be an important aspect of counselling, as it can help you gain a deeper understanding of yourself and your needs. By identifying your personality type, you can better understand your strengths and weaknesses, as well as what environments and situations may be most beneficial for you. For example, if you identify as an introvert, you may benefit from strategies to manage overstimulation in social situations or how to set boundaries in your relationships. Or, if you identify as an extrovert, you may benefit from exploring ways to balance your need for social interaction with self-care practices.

Knowing your personality type can also provide insight into your communication style and interpersonal dynamics. For example, an introverted client may benefit from learning assertiveness skills in order to effectively communicate their needs and boundaries. On the other hand, an extroverted client may benefit from learning active listening skills in order to effectively connect with others and avoid dominating conversations. By understanding their personality type, clients can work with their counsellor to develop strategies and tools to improve their relationships and communication with others.

Furthermore, understanding your personality type can also aid in the development of self-awareness and self-acceptance. Clients may discover that traits they once viewed as weaknesses are actually part of their unique personality type, and can learn to embrace and celebrate them. This can lead to greater self-esteem, confidence, and a stronger sense of identity. Overall, understanding your personality type can be a valuable tool in counselling, allowing you to gain greater insight into yourself, your relationships, and your communication style.

In conclusion, understanding your personality type can help you navigate the complexities of social interaction and improve your well-being. Whether you identify as an introvert, extrovert, ambivert, or omnivert, knowing your strengths and challenges can help you better manage your energy levels and set boundaries in your relationships. Furthermore, by understanding your communication style and interpersonal dynamics, you can improve your relationships and develop greater self-awareness and self-acceptance. If you’re interested in exploring your personality type or have any questions about counselling, please don’t hesitate to reach out to us at Constellations Counselling. Our counsellors are here to support you.

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The Dual Nature of High Sensitivity: The Pros and Cons of Being a Highly Sensitive Person

Are you often moved by art or music? Do you notice subtleties in your environment that others may overlook? Do you feel overwhelmed by loud noises, bright lights, or strong smells? If so, you may be a highly sensitive person (HSP).

Not sure if you are an HSP? Take the test to find out: HSP Test

Being an HSP is a personality trait that affects up to 20% of the population. HSPs have a unique sensitivity to their environment, including emotions, sensations, and stimuli. While being an HSP has its benefits, it also comes with its challenges.

We will explore the pros and cons of being a highly sensitive person and how it can impact various aspects of your life.

The Pros of Being a Highly Sensitive Person

Being a highly sensitive person comes with many positive aspects even though it may feel burdensome at times especially if you are new to discovering being an HSP. Highly sensitive people possess unique strengths that can enrich their lives and the lives of those around them. From heightened empathy to strong problem-solving skills, these qualities can help HSPs thrive in various aspects of their lives. Let’s dive in and explore the pros of being a highly sensitive person.

  • Heightened sense of empathy: HSPs are often able to pick up on subtle emotional cues from others, allowing them to connect on a deeper level. This can lead to more meaningful relationships and a greater sense of compassion towards others.
  • Rich inner world: HSPs are often more creative and imaginative than non-HSPs, and can be excellent artists, writers, or musicians. They have a unique perspective on the world and are able to bring depth and nuance to their work.
  • Conscientiousness: HSPs tend to be very conscientious and detail-oriented. They often notice small details that others may overlook, making them excellent problem solvers and critical thinkers.
  • Intuition: HSPs are highly intuitive, and can often make decisions based on their gut feelings.
  • Strong memory: HSPs often have a strong memory for details, which can be helpful in many situations, including work and relationships.
  • Attention to quality: HSPs tend to have a high standard for the quality of their work. This attention to quality can lead to a strong work ethic and a reputation for excellence in their field.
  • Appreciation of beauty: HSPs often have a deep appreciation of beauty, whether it be in nature, art, or other aspects of life.
  • Depth of emotion: HSPs experience emotions on a deeper level than non-HSPs, which can lead to greater empathy, connection, and understanding of others.
  • Spiritual connection: HSPs may have a stronger connection to spirituality or a higher power, and may find comfort and meaning in their beliefs.
  • Strong sense of justice: HSPs tend to have a strong sense of justice and may be more likely to stand up for what they believe in.

The Cons of Being a Highly Sensitive Person

While there are many benefits to being a highly sensitive person, it also comes with its challenges. HSPs may struggle with feelings of anxiety and overwhelm, have difficulty setting boundaries, and navigate social situations differently. The following are some  challenges that may arise due to being highly sensitive.

  • Overstimulation: HSPs may become easily overstimulated by loud noises, bright lights, or strong smells, which can lead to feelings of stress or panic. For example, a crowded mall or a noisy party may be overwhelming for an HSP.
  • Lack of boundaries: HSPs may take on too much responsibility and struggle with setting boundaries, leading to burnout and exhaustion. For instance, an HSP may have difficulty saying “no” to requests from friends or family, even when they are already feeling overwhelmed.
  • Sensitivity to criticism: HSPs may be more sensitive to criticism or rejection, which can impact their self-esteem and confidence. For example, a negative comment from a co-worker or a rejection from a job application may hit harder for an HSP.
  • Uncomfortable in social environments: HSPs may feel more comfortable in smaller, intimate settings, and may struggle in large groups or parties. They may feel overwhelmed by the energy of a crowded room or struggle to engage in small talk with people they don’t know well.
  • Confrontation avoidance: HSPs may avoid confrontation in order to maintain harmony. They may have a difficult time expressing their needs or standing up for themselves, which can lead to resentment and feelings of being taken advantage of.
  • Difficulty coping with negative emotions: HSPs may struggle with managing negative emotions, such as sadness or anger, and may feel overwhelmed by their intensity.
  • Vulnerability to stress-related health problems: HSPs may be more susceptible to stress-related health issues such as headaches, migraines, and gastrointestinal problems.
  • Difficulty concentrating: HSPs may find it challenging to concentrate due to difficulty in filtering out external stimuli. They may become easily overwhelmed and fatigued from sensory overload, which can make it hard to focus on tasks or stay productive.
  • Tendency towards perfectionism: HSPs may have a tendency towards perfectionism. HSPs may set unrealistic expectations for themselves and may have a hard time accepting mistakes or criticism, leading to self-doubt and negative self-talk. This can impact their ability to take risks and try new things, as they fear failure or judgment from others.
  • Feeling misunderstood or out of place: HSPs may feel like they don’t fit in with mainstream culture and may struggle to find like-minded individuals who understand their unique experiences.
Image by John Hain from Pixabay

Turning Cons into Pros

While being an HSP comes with its challenges, these can be turned into strengths with the guidance of a counsellor. HSPs can learn coping strategies to manage anxiety and overwhelm, and can practice setting healthy boundaries. They can also learn to reframe criticism or rejection in a more positive light, and to navigate social situations with more ease. HSPs can also learn to embrace their unique sensitivity and use it to their advantage. For example, they can use their heightened intuition to make important decisions, or use their creativity to express themselves through art or music. By embracing their sensitivity, HSPs can lead a more fulfilling and authentic life. Let’s take a look at how working with an experienced HSP counsellor can turn cons into pros.

  • Overstimulation: A counsellor can help an HSP develop coping strategies to manage feelings of overwhelm, such as deep breathing exercises or taking breaks when needed. In addition to coping strategies, a counsellor can work with an HSP to identify triggers of overstimulation and develop a personalized plan for managing those triggers in daily life.
  • Lack of boundaries: A counsellor can work with an HSP to develop assertiveness skills and teach them how to set healthy boundaries in their relationships. Developing assertiveness skills can help HSPs communicate their needs effectively and improve their relationships with others. By learning to set healthy boundaries, HSPs can also reduce their risk of burnout and exhaustion.
  • Sensitivity to criticism: A counsellor can help an HSP build self-esteem and develop healthy ways to cope with criticism or rejection. A counsellor can work with an HSP to identify and challenge negative thought patterns or beliefs that contribute to sensitivity to criticism or rejection, and help them reframe their perspective in a more positive and constructive way. This can lead to increased self-confidence and resilience in the face of negative feedback.
  • Uncomfortable in social environments: A counsellor can help an HSP develop social skills and provide strategies for managing social anxiety. For instance, a counselor can help an HSP identify social situations that cause them anxiety and gradually expose them to these situations in a safe and supportive environment. The counselor can also help an HSP practice social skills to improve their interactions with others.
  • Confrontation avoidance: A counsellor can work with an HSP to help them communicate their needs effectively and feel more confident in expressing themselves. Through counseling, an HSP can learn techniques such as active listening, effective communication, and assertiveness skills, which can help them navigate confrontational situations with more confidence and ease. This can lead to more authentic and fulfilling relationships with others.
  • Difficulty coping with negative emotions: In counselling, an HSP can explore their emotions and develop coping mechanisms to manage negative emotions that can be overwhelming. A counsellor can also help an HSP identify their triggers and develop skills to regulate their emotions effectively.
  • Vulnerability to stress-related health problems: A counsellor can help an HSP develop stress-management techniques, such as exercise or meditation, to prevent stress-related health issues. In addition to stress-management techniques, a counsellor can also provide guidance on lifestyle changes that may reduce stress, such as improving sleep hygiene or reducing caffeine intake.
  • Difficulty concentrating: A counsellor can help an HSP develop strategies to improve focus and concentration, such as breaking big tasks into smaller, manageable steps. Additionally, a counselor can help an HSP identify their optimal work environment and schedule to minimize distractions and increase productivity. They can also teach techniques for improving concentration, such as mindfulness practices or setting specific goals.
  • Tendency towards perfectionism: A counsellor can help an HSP identify and challenge their negative self-talk and develop a more self-compassionate attitude towards themselves. In addition to challenging negative self-talk, a counsellor can also help an HSP set realistic goals and expectations for themselves, while still striving for excellence. They can encourage the HSP to focus on progress, rather than perfection, and to celebrate their accomplishments, no matter how small.
  • Feeling misunderstood or out of place: A counsellor can provide validation and support for an HSP’s unique experiences and help them connect with others who share similar traits or interests.

Being a highly sensitive person comes with its pros and cons. HSPs have a unique sensitivity to their environment and emotions, which can lead to deeper connections and a rich inner world. However, HSPs may also struggle with anxiety, overwhelm, and navigating social situations. With the guidance and support of a counsellor, HSPs can slowly learn to appreciate their sensitivity as a strength, rather than viewing it as a weakness. By reframing their perspective and practicing tools to help empower them, HSPs can cultivate a greater sense of self-awareness and self-acceptance, which can positively impact their overall well-being. At Constellations Counselling we specialize in working with highly sensitive people.  We have highly sensitive counsellors who relate to the pros and cons of being an HSP and are able to embrace their sensitivity as a strength.  To connect with a highly sensitive counsellor, contact us today.

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The Power of Values: Why Exploring Them in Therapy Can Be Beneficial

Values are the guiding principles that inform our actions and decisions. They are what we hold dear and what motivates us in life. Identifying our values can be a powerful tool in therapy, helping us to understand ourselves better and work towards achieving our goals. At Constellations Counselling in Vancouver, BC, we believe in the importance of exploring a client’s values in therapy. In this post, we’ll discuss what values are, where they come from, and why identifying them is beneficial. We will also provide examples of values and ways you can begin identifying your own values.

What Are Values?

Values are beliefs or principles that guide our behavior and choices. They are what we consider to be important, worthwhile, and meaningful in life. Our values influence our thoughts, emotions, and actions, and they can be the foundation of our identity. Values can come from a variety of sources, including:

  • Upbringing and Family: The values that were instilled in us during childhood by our family and community can continue to shape our beliefs and behaviors throughout our lives.
  • Culture and Society: The values of the society and culture in which we live can also influence our own values and priorities.
  • Life Experiences: Our values can be influenced by the experiences we have had, both positive and negative.

Examples of Values

Some common values include:

AuthenticityCompassionCourageCreativity
EqualityFamilyFreedomGrowth
HonestyIndependenceJoyJustice
Self-careSpiritualitySuccessTrust
LoveLoyaltyResponsibilityRespect

The Benefits of Identifying Values in Therapy

Identifying values in therapy can have a number of benefits, including:

  • Greater self-awareness: Understanding our values can help us to better understand ourselves and our motivations.
  • More meaningful goals: By identifying our values, we can set goals that align with what is truly important to us, leading to a greater sense of fulfillment.
  • Increased motivation: When our goals align with our values, we are more likely to feel motivated to work towards them.
  • Better decision-making: Knowing our values can help us to make decisions that are in line with what is truly important to us, rather than simply following what others expect of us.
  • Increased resilience: Having a strong sense of our values can help us to weather difficult times and bounce back from adversity.

Identifying Your Values

Identifying your values can be a process that takes time and reflection. Here are some steps you can take to begin identifying your own values:

  • Reflect on what matters to you. Take some time to think about the moments when you felt most fulfilled and satisfied in life, and the values that were being honored during those times. What brings you joy, fulfillment, and meaning? What do you prioritize in your life?
  • Think about what you want to be remembered for. What values are important to you in terms of your legacy? Reflect on past experiences that were particularly meaningful or impactful for you. What values were present in those experiences?
  • Consider the people who inspire you. Think about the people you admire and respect. What values do they embody that you also aspire to embody?
  • Observe your emotions. Pay attention to the emotions that arise in different situations, especially when you feel angry or upset. These emotions may indicate a violation of your values. For example, if witnessing an injustice makes you angry, it could indicate a strong value of fairness or justice.

The Benefits of Identifying Your Values

Identifying your values can be an incredibly powerful tool in therapy. Here are some of the benefits of identifying your values:

  • Clarifies Your Priorities: Identifying your values can help you clarify your priorities in life and make decisions that align with those priorities. For example, if a person values family, they may prioritize spending time with loved ones over working long hours at their job. By recognizing this value, they can make decisions that allow them to honor it and lead a more fulfilling life.
  • Gives You Direction: Knowing your values can provide a sense of direction and purpose in your life. It can help guide your decision-making and provide motivation for achieving your goals. For example, if someone values creativity, they may prioritize pursuing a career in the arts or set aside time each day to engage in creative hobbies. This can provide a sense of fulfillment and purpose, as they are aligning their actions with their values.
  • Increases Self-Awareness: Identifying your values can increase self-awareness and provide insight into your motivations, beliefs, and behaviors. For example, a person who values honesty may become more aware of their tendency to lie or exaggerate in certain situations and be motivated to change that behavior.
  • Promotes Authenticity: Living in alignment with your values can increase self-esteem and self-worth. When you prioritize and live according to your values, you demonstrate to yourself and others that you are capable of making choices that are important to you, which can contribute to a sense of accomplishment and confidence.
  • Helps You Overcome Obstacles: Knowing your values can help you overcome obstacles and stay motivated during difficult times. For example, if your value is perseverance, then it can help you stay motivated to overcome challenges and obstacles that may come your way.

Incorporating Values into Therapy

Once you’ve identified your values, your counsellor can help you incorporate them into your therapeutic goals and treatment plan. For example, if one of your values is creativity, your counsellor may suggest incorporating art therapy into your treatment plan. If one of your values is family, your counsellor may suggest involving your family in therapy sessions. Exploring values can also help in setting boundaries, identifying patterns of behavior, and developing coping strategies for challenging situations. For highly sensitive people, exploring values can be a powerful way to increase self-awareness and promote self-care.

Identifying values can be a challenging process, particularly for those who have experienced trauma or have suppressed their emotions. Highly sensitive people, in particular, may struggle with prioritizing their own needs or feeling self-doubt. However, at Constellations Counselling, we understand the importance of identifying values and provide a supportive space to do so. Our compassionate counsellors work with clients to help them uncover their values in a way that feels authentic and meaningful.

Exploring values is a crucial aspect of therapy as it can help you clarify your priorities, provide direction, increase self-awareness, promote authenticity, and help overcome obstacles. Our Vancouver-based counselling services offer support to individuals who want to explore their values further. We recognize that this process may be challenging, and our team is here to guide and support clients throughout their therapeutic journey.

If you’re interested in learning more about how identifying your values can benefit your mental and emotional health, reach out to us at Constellations Counselling. We offer a safe and supportive space for clients to explore their values and other important aspects of therapy. Contact us today with any questions or if you’re ready to take the first step toward change.

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Embracing Rest: Why Rest is Just as Productive as Work

In our fast-paced, productivity-obsessed culture, rest is often viewed as a luxury that we can’t afford. We equate being busy with being successful, and many of us feel guilty or ashamed for taking time to rest. However, as highly sensitive people, rest is essential for our physical, mental, and emotional health. In this blog post, we’ll explore the importance of rest, why we avoid rest, and how we can change our perspectives on rest to view it as productive and valuable as work.

The Importance of Rest

Rest is essential for our overall health and well-being. It is a time for our bodies and minds to recharge and replenish. When we don’t allow ourselves to rest, we can experience burnout, exhaustion, and a host of physical and mental health issues. Rest allows us to:

  • Recharge our batteries: Resting allows our bodies and minds to recover from the stresses of daily life, giving us the energy we need to tackle our responsibilities.
  • Reduce stress: Resting helps to reduce stress hormones in our bodies, promoting relaxation and reducing the risk of physical and mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, heart disease, high blood pressure, chronic pain, insomnia, and immune system dysfunction.
  • Boost our immune system: Resting can be particularly helpful in improving our immune system’s ability to fight off illness. For instance, a study published in the journal “Psychosomatic Medicine” found that people who slept less than seven hours a night were three times more likely to develop a cold than those who slept eight hours or more. Another study published in the “Journal of Sleep Research” found that people who slept for less than six hours a night had a significantly higher risk of getting sick with a cold than those who slept for more than seven hours a night. These studies highlight the importance of getting adequate rest in order to maintain a healthy immune system and prevent illness.
  • Improve our cognitive function: Resting helps to improve memory, concentration, and overall cognitive function. For example, a study published in the “Journal of Sleep Research” found that taking a nap during the day improved cognitive function, including memory recall and reaction time, in healthy adults.
  • Improved creativity: Resting allows our minds to wander and can help us to come up with new ideas and creative solutions. Additionally, rest gives our brain a chance to consolidate memories and process emotions.
  • Better decision-making: Resting allows us to approach problems with a fresh perspective, improving our ability to make informed decisions.
  • Increased efficiency: Taking time to rest can help us to avoid burnout and fatigue, improving our ability to work efficiently and effectively. Studies have shown that taking breaks throughout the workday can improve productivity and efficiency. For example, a study conducted by the Draugiem Group found that the most productive employees worked for 52 minutes and then took a 17-minute break. Additionally, research published in the journal Cognition found that taking breaks can help improve attention and performance on cognitive tasks. By taking breaks to rest and recharge, we can actually increase our efficiency and productivity in the long run.

Why We Avoid Rest

Despite the benefits of rest, many of us avoid it. There are several reasons why we may struggle to rest:

  • Societal Beliefs: We live in a culture that values productivity and busyness, often equating them with success. This makes us feel guilty or ashamed for taking time to rest. As a result, we may even feel like we need to justify our rest to others or be seen as lazy. It’s important to challenge these beliefs and recognize that rest is a valuable and necessary part of a healthy and balanced life.
  • Fear of Missing Out (FOMO): We may worry that we’ll miss out on opportunities or fall behind if we take time to rest. This FOMO can stem from the constant barrage of social media updates that portray everyone else’s lives as perfect and productive. It can be hard to recognize that rest is just as important as productivity, especially when we feel like we’re competing with others for success. However, taking time to rest can actually increase our productivity and help us achieve our goals in a more sustainable way.
  • Perfectionism: We may feel pressure to be perfect and believe that taking time to rest is a sign of weakness or failure. This belief is often reinforced by our surroundings, as we are bombarded with messages that praise the “hustle” and working non-stop. However, it’s important to remember that rest is not a sign of weakness, but a necessary component of self-care and productivity. By allowing ourselves to rest, we can actually improve our performance and achieve our goals more effectively.
  • Self-Doubt: We may believe that our worth is tied to our productivity and struggle to take time for ourselves. This belief can be deeply ingrained and challenging to overcome, but it’s essential to remember that our worth is not tied to our productivity. Taking time for ourselves and engaging in rest can actually improve our productivity and overall well-being in the long run. It’s important to challenge these limiting beliefs and give ourselves permission to rest without guilt or shame.
  • Avoidance: When we rest, our minds have time to think and reflect on things that we may have been avoiding. Unwanted thoughts, feelings, and sensations can arise, which can be uncomfortable or even painful. For some, staying busy and avoiding rest can be a coping mechanism to avoid confronting these difficult emotions. However, it’s important to recognize that avoiding rest can actually make these feelings more intense and difficult to manage in the long run. By allowing ourselves to rest, we give ourselves the opportunity to process and work through these emotions in a healthier way. It can be scary to confront these feelings, but it’s an important step towards healing and growth.

Changing Our Perspectives on Rest

In order to fully reap the benefits of rest, we need to change our perspectives on it. We need to view rest as productive and valuable as work. One of the main challenges in embracing rest as a productive and valuable activity is changing our perspective on what constitutes “productive” work. Many of us have been conditioned to believe that rest is a waste of time and that we should always be productive and busy. This belief is not only misguided, but it can also lead to burnout, stress, and physical and mental health problems.

To change our perspective on rest, we need to reframe our thinking about what constitutes productive work. Rather than seeing rest as a waste of time, we need to recognize that rest is a critical component of productivity and success. Rest allows us to recharge our batteries, boost our creativity, and improve our focus and concentration. When we embrace rest as a valuable activity, we can experience greater productivity, better health, and a higher quality of life. Here are some tips for changing our perspectives on rest:

  • Acknowledge the importance of rest: It’s important to recognize that rest is not a luxury or a waste of time, but rather an essential part of our overall well-being. When we view rest as an important part of self-care, we’re more likely to prioritize it in our lives. Rest helps to promote physical and mental health, reduces stress and fatigue, and increases our overall sense of well-being. By recognizing the importance of rest, we can make sure that we’re taking the necessary steps to care for ourselves. This may mean setting boundaries around work and other activities to ensure that we have dedicated time for rest, or incorporating rest into our daily routine in the form of meditation, yoga, or other relaxation techniques. It’s important to remember that self-care is not selfish, but rather a necessary component of overall health and well-being. When we take care of ourselves, we’re better equipped to care for others and to live our lives to the fullest.
  • Practice self-compassion: Be kind to yourself and recognize that rest is a necessary part of taking care of yourself. Practicing self-compassion is essential when it comes to embracing rest. Being kind to yourself and acknowledging that you deserve rest and relaxation is the first step in making it a regular part of your routine. It’s important to remember that taking time for yourself is necessary to recharge and ensure that you are in a healthy state of mind and body. So, be gentle with yourself, and give yourself permission to rest without feeling guilty or ashamed.
  • Let go of perfectionism: Recognize that rest is not a sign of weakness or failure, but rather an essential part of being a productive and healthy person. Perfectionism can make us believe that taking breaks or resting is a waste of time that could be spent being productive. However, the truth is that rest is essential for our physical and mental health, and it can actually improve our productivity in the long run. By letting go of perfectionism and accepting that we all need rest, we can alleviate unnecessary stress and pressure and allow ourselves the time and space to recharge.
  • Set boundaries: Make rest a priority by setting boundaries and making time for it in your schedule. Setting boundaries around rest can help ensure that you are able to prioritize and protect your time for rest. This might include saying no to additional commitments or responsibilities when you need to rest, or communicating your need for rest with others in your life. For example, if you have a friend who frequently wants to make plans during your scheduled rest time, you might explain to them that you need that time for yourself and suggest an alternative time to connect. By setting these boundaries, you can create a routine and space for rest, and help yourself maintain a more balanced and healthy lifestyle.

7 Types of Rest

Image by @silkandsonder (Instagram)

Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith, a physician, and author, has identified 7 types of rest that everyone needs. These 7 types of rest are discussed in depth in her book, Sacred Rest.

  1. Physical Rest: Physical rest is the most obvious type of rest and involves taking a break from physical activity to allow your body to recover. This can include sleeping, taking naps, or simply relaxing in a comfortable position.
  2. Mental Rest: Mental rest involves giving your mind a break from constant stimulation and activity. This can include taking a break from work or technology and engaging in activities that are relaxing and calming, such as meditation, reading, or taking a leisurely walk.
  3. Sensory Rest: Sensory rest involves giving your senses a break from overstimulation. This can include taking a break from bright lights, loud noises, and strong smells, and engaging in activities that are calming and soothing, such as taking a warm bath or practicing aromatherapy.
  4. Spiritual Rest: Spiritual rest involves taking time to connect with your inner self and your higher power. This can include engaging in prayer, meditation, or other spiritual practices that help you feel grounded and centered.
  5. Social Rest: Social rest involves taking a break from social interactions and activities that require social engagement. This can include spending time alone, engaging in solitary activities like reading or writing, or spending time in nature.
  6. Emotional Rest: Emotional rest involves taking a break from emotional stressors and allowing yourself to process and release emotions. This can include engaging in counselling, practicing mindfulness, or simply taking time for self-reflection.
  7. Creative Rest: Creative rest involves taking a break from creative activities that require mental and emotional energy. This can include engaging in activities that are restful and calming, such as listening to music, taking a leisurely walk, or spending time in nature.

By understanding these seven types of rest, we can begin to recognize when we need to take a break and which type of rest we need. For example, if we are feeling physically exhausted, we may need to focus on physical rest by getting more sleep or taking a nap. If we are feeling mentally drained, we may need to focus on mental rest by taking a break from work or technology and engaging in calming activities like meditation.

Ways to Embrace Rest

Here are some practical tips for embracing rest and incorporating it into your daily routine:

  • Prioritize rest: Make rest a priority in your life and recognize its importance for your physical and mental health.
  • Schedule rest time: Schedule rest time into your daily routine, just as you would schedule work or other activities. This will help ensure that you have dedicated time for rest and relaxation.
  • Set boundaries: Set boundaries around rest time and protect it from outside demands and distractions.
  • Experiment with different types of rest: Try different types of rest and see which ones work best for you. For example, you may find that you need more physical rest or more emotional rest, depending on your needs.
  • Be kind to yourself: Be kind to yourself and avoid feeling guilty or ashamed for taking time to rest. Remember that rest is productive and necessary for your well-being.
  • Challenge society’s view of rest: Challenge society’s mistaken belief that rest is unproductive or lazy. Recognize that rest is essential for productivity and creativity.
  • Reframe your thinking: Reframe your thinking about rest and view it as visible work. Just as you can see the results of your work, you can also see the benefits of rest in your physical, emotional, and mental health.
  • Practice mindfulness: Practice mindfulness during rest time by focusing on the present moment and letting go of any worries or distractions.
  • Engage in restorative activities: Engage in restorative activities during rest time, such as reading a book, taking a bath, or practicing yoga.

Rest is not only important but essential for our physical, emotional, and mental health. It’s time to change our perspective on rest and view it as productive and valuable as work. By embracing rest and prioritizing it in our daily routine, we can reap the benefits of improved health, productivity, and creativity. Remember to experiment with different types of rest and be kind to yourself throughout the process. At Constellations Counselling in Vancouver, we encourage our clients to embrace rest and incorporate it into their daily routine. Contact us today to learn more about how we can support you on your journey to improved well-being.

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Engaging in Play and Working with the Inner Child: A Path to Healing

As adults, we tend to lose touch with the playful, carefree spirit of our childhood. We become so consumed with work, responsibilities, and adulting that we forget to have fun and engage in activities that bring us joy. However, as highly sensitive people, it’s essential that we reconnect with our inner child and engage in play to promote healing and balance in our lives.

At Vancouver’s Constellations Counselling, we often work with clients to help them heal their inner child through art therapy and other modalities. In this post, we’ll explore the importance of engaging in play and working with the inner child, provide examples of the types of play you can try, and offer tips for feeling comfortable exploring this type of therapy.

Why Work with the Inner Child?

Our inner child is the part of ourselves that contains our childhood experiences, beliefs, and emotions. Often, these experiences were formative and can impact our adult lives in profound ways. For highly sensitive people, past traumas or negative experiences can be especially challenging to overcome. Working with the inner child can help us heal from past wounds and promote growth and resilience.

Engaging in play and working with the inner child can:

  • Help us connect with our authentic selves and rediscover our passions and interests
  • Provide an outlet for emotions that may be difficult to express in other ways
  • Promote self-compassion and self-love
  • Help us break patterns of negative self-talk and limiting beliefs
  • Promote relaxation and stress relief
  • Allow us to develop a stronger sense of identity and purpose
Image by Alexa from Pixabay

There are many different ways to engage in play and work with your inner child, and it’s important to find what works best for you. Here are some examples of types of play you could try:

  1. Art therapy: Art therapy is a powerful way to connect with your inner child and express emotions that may be difficult to put into words. By creating art, you can explore your feelings, thoughts, and experiences in a safe and supportive environment.
  2. Movement: Movement involves connecting with your body and moving in intuitive ways to express yourself and release emotions. This can be especially helpful for highly sensitive people who may struggle with feeling grounded in their bodies.
  3. Playful activities: Engage in activities that bring out your playful side, such as playing with pet, blowing bubbles, or coloring in a coloring book.
  4. Imaginative play: Allow yourself to be playful and imaginative, such as creating a fantasy world or pretending to be a superhero.
  5. Outdoor activities: Take a walk in nature, go for a hike, or spend time in a park. Nature can be a healing and grounding space, and spending time outside can help you connect with your inner child.

It’s important to remember that engaging in play and working with your inner child can be scary for people who have never tried this type of activity before. Here are some tips to help you feel comfortable trying it:

  1. Start small: Begin with a simple and low-pressure activity, such as coloring or taking a walk outside.
  2. Set boundaries: Establish clear boundaries around what you are comfortable with and what you are not comfortable with. This will help you feel safe and in control.
  3. Seek support: Work with a counsellor who specializes in working with the inner child. They can provide guidance and support as you navigate this process.
  4. Trust the process: Play can feel strange or unfamiliar for adults at first, but trust that your counsellor is guiding you through the process in a way that will promote healing.
  5. Be open and honest: Communicate openly and honestly with your counsellor about your feelings and experiences during a play focused session. This will help them tailor the experience to your unique needs and promote healing.
  6. Let go of expectations: Let go of any expectations you may have about what the therapy session will look like or what you will get out of it. Approach it with an open mind and see where the experience takes you.
  7. Practice self-care: Engaging in play can bring up difficult emotions, so it’s essential to practice self-care before and after sessions. This can involve things like taking a warm bath, practicing mindfulness, or spending time in nature.
  8. Be patient: Healing the inner child takes time, so be patient with yourself and the process. Remember that everyone’s journey is unique, and progress may look different for each person.

Engaging in play and working with your inner child is a powerful way to heal old wounds and connect with your true self. By connecting with your inner child, you can access a sense of playfulness, creativity, and joy that can be difficult to find in the adult world. If you’re interested in exploring this type of work, a Vancouver counsellor at Constellations Counselling can provide you with the support and guidance you need. Remember, it’s never too late to reconnect with your inner child and find healing and joy.

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Dealing with Feelings of “Not Enough”: Overcoming Self-Doubt and Building Self-Worth

Feeling like you are “not enough” is a common theme that many people, especially highly sensitive people, bring to counselling sessions. This belief of not being good enough can be deeply ingrained and may have its roots in past experiences, childhood trauma, or negative self-talk.

At Vancouver’s Constellations Counselling, our experienced counsellors understand the impact of these beliefs on a person’s mental and emotional well-being. Our counsellors work with clients to explore the source of these feelings and develop practical steps to overcome them.

Understanding the Source of the “Not Enough” Belief

The belief of not being good enough can be insidious and pervasive. It may stem from a variety of sources, including past trauma, negative self-talk, or cultural and societal expectations.

For example, if you were raised in a household where your parents were critical of your achievements and constantly compared you to others, you may have internalized the belief that you are not good enough. Similarly, if you grew up in a culture or community that values certain traits or accomplishments over others, you may have internalized those values and feel inadequate if you do not meet those expectations.

In addition to these external sources, negative self-talk and internalized beliefs about oneself can also contribute to feelings of not being enough. For example, if you have a tendency to compare yourself to others or set unrealistic expectations for yourself, you may be more prone to feelings of inadequacy.

Recognizing these sources of the “not enough” belief is an important first step in overcoming it. Through counselling sessions, our counsellors work with clients to explore these sources and identify the negative beliefs and patterns of thought that contribute to feelings of inadequacy.

Building Self-Worth and Overcoming Self-Doubt

Once the sources of the “not enough” belief have been identified, the next step is to develop practical steps for building self-worth and overcoming self-doubt. At Constellations Counselling, our counsellors use a variety of evidence-based techniques to help clients develop a stronger sense of self-worth, including:

  1. Mindfulness and self-compassion: Learning to be present and non-judgmental in the moment can help you recognize and acknowledge negative self-talk and shift your focus to more positive self-talk. Self-compassion involves treating yourself with kindness and understanding, rather than harshly criticizing yourself.
  2. Cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT): CBT is a type of therapy that focuses on identifying and changing negative patterns of thought and behaviour. Through CBT, clients learn to identify and challenge negative thoughts and replace them with more positive and realistic ones.
  3. Values exploration: Exploring and identifying personal values can help clients develop a stronger sense of purpose and direction. By aligning their actions and goals with their values, clients can develop a stronger sense of self-worth and build resilience to negative self-talk.
  4. Positive affirmations: Positive affirmations involve repeating positive statements to oneself to counteract negative self-talk. For example, saying “I am enough” or “I am worthy of love and respect” can help to shift the focus away from feelings of inadequacy.
  5. Metaphors: Metaphors can be a powerful tool for understanding complex emotions and experiences. For example, one metaphor that can be helpful in understanding the “not enough” belief is the idea of a bucket. If you imagine your self-worth as a bucket, negative self-talk can feel like a hole in the bottom of the bucket, draining your self-worth. Learning to recognize and fill that hole with positive self-talk and self-care can help to maintain a full and healthy bucket.

Another way to challenge the belief of not being enough is to shift your focus from yourself to others. This may sound counterintuitive, but research shows that helping others can actually increase your own sense of worth and purpose. Consider volunteering in your community or helping a friend in need. When we help others, we not only make a positive impact in their lives, but we also feel good about ourselves and our abilities to make a difference.

Finally, it’s important to seek support from a trusted counsellor. Highly sensitive people often benefit from working with a counsellor who understands their unique needs and experiences. A Vancouver counsellor at Constellations Counselling can help you explore the underlying beliefs and experiences that contribute to your feelings of inadequacy. Through therapy, you can learn practical tools and strategies to challenge these beliefs and build a stronger sense of self-worth.

The belief of not being enough is a common theme that many highly sensitive people struggle with. However, it’s important to recognize that this belief is often rooted in our past experiences and societal pressures, rather than a reflection of our true worth and value. By challenging this belief and practicing self-compassion, mindfulness, gratitude, and helping others, we can cultivate a stronger sense of self-worth and lead a more fulfilling life. Remember that seeking support from a compassionate counsellor can also be a powerful tool in overcoming these beliefs and building a stronger sense of self.

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From Doubt to Security: Navigating the Stages of a Romantic Relationship as a Highly Sensitive Person

Navigating a romantic relationship can be a complex and often emotional journey, full of ups and downs. There are different stages of a relationship, each with its unique challenges and opportunities. As a highly sensitive person, you may find that you experience these stages more intensely or feel overwhelmed by the emotions that come with them. Vancouver counsellors at Constellations Counselling have helped many clients understand and navigate the various stages of a relationship.  We’ll start with some common stages found in romantic relationships. 

Image by Ben Kerckx from Pixabay

Stage One: The Honeymoon Phase

The first stage of a romantic relationship is often referred to as the honeymoon phase. This is the stage where everything feels new and exciting, and you may feel like you are on cloud nine. You may spend a lot of time getting to know each other and enjoying each other’s company. You may feel like you have found your soulmate and that everything is perfect.

However, it is important to recognize that this stage is not sustainable forever. Eventually, the honeymoon phase will come to an end, and you will need to navigate the challenges that come with it. Some examples of the honeymoon phase include:

• Going on dates and exploring new places together

• Feeling a strong emotional connection and intimacy

• Feeling like you are on the same wavelength

• Sharing new experiences and trying new things

Stage Two: The Power Struggle

After the honeymoon phase comes the power struggle. This is the stage where you may start to notice differences between you and your partner. You may start to feel like they are not meeting your expectations or that you are not on the same page. This can be a challenging time, and it is important to communicate openly and honestly with your partner. Some examples of the power struggle include:

• Disagreements over values and priorities

• Struggles with trust and commitment

• Feeling like you are not being heard or understood

• Differences in communication styles

Stage Three: Stability

If you can successfully navigate the power struggle stage, you may find that you enter a stage of stability. This is the stage where you start to feel more comfortable with each other and your relationship. You may start to feel more secure in your connection, and you may start to see your partner as a long-term partner. Some examples of stability include:

• Feeling more secure in your connection

• Feeling more comfortable with each other’s quirks and flaws

• Building a stronger emotional foundation

• Working through challenges and disagreements together

Stage Four: Commitment

The final stage of a romantic relationship is commitment. This is the stage where you and your partner have made a conscious decision to be together for the long haul. You may be talking about marriage or long-term commitment, and you may start to plan for your future together. Some examples of commitment include:

• Making plans for the future, such as buying a home or starting a family

• Working together to overcome challenges

• Building a deep and lasting emotional connection

• Feeling like you have found your life partner

While these stages are common in most romantic relationships, it is important to remember that each relationship is unique, and everyone’s journey will be different. Additionally, it is important to recognize that not all relationships will progress through all four stages. Some relationships may end before reaching the commitment stage, while others may skip the power struggle altogether.

As a highly sensitive person, you may find that you experience these stages more intensely or feel overwhelmed by the emotions that come with them. It is important to take care of yourself during each stage of your relationship and communicate openly and honestly with your partner about your needs and boundaries.

Dr. Nicole LePera, also known as The Holistic Psychologist, offers valuable insights into the stages of creating healthy relationship whether they be romantic, platonic, or familial. Her research shows that there are six stages that people go through as they establish a secure and healthy relationship. These stages are:

Doubt: Doubt is the natural first stage of moving towards a secure relationship. This is where we start to question whether the person we are with is the right match for us. Doubt is part of discernment, and it shows that we are putting more effort into who we choose to go into partnership with. In this stage, it’s important to have open and honest communication with your partner to ensure that you are both on the same page and working towards the same goals.

Grief: Even when we’re with someone we deeply love, there can be a grieving process. This is especially true for highly sensitive people who may feel a sense of loss when they transition from being independent to being part of a couple. We’re losing a feeling of independence and sometimes releasing the fantasy of finding the “perfect person.” It’s important to acknowledge these feelings and work through them together with your partner. This can be done through open communication, empathy, and compassion.

Power Struggles: At different periods, our abandonment wounds might come up. This creates pushing someone away even when we want them close, shutting down, rebellious behaviour, or relationship sabotage. This is a crucial stage where we begin to understand our attachment style and how it can impact our relationships. It’s essential to recognize these patterns and work through them together with our partner to establish a healthier attachment style.

Boredom: This stage is most prominent in those raised in chaos, unpredictability, or unstable home environments. We can confuse predictable, steady love with a lack of excitement or passion. It’s important to remember that passion is not just about the physical aspect of a relationship, but it can be found in deeper emotional connections as well. This stage is an opportunity to explore new things together and find ways to reignite the spark in your relationship.

Fulfillment: This stage is where we start to feel a sense of fulfillment in our relationship. Our nervous system is healing and adapting to a person we can depend on. We’re learning to navigate life together rather than as an individual and facing challenges together, recognizing the benefits of sharing life with someone. It’s essential to communicate our needs, desires, and goals to ensure that we’re both fulfilled in the relationship.

Security: This stage is where we feel deep feelings of mutual trust, appreciation, and respect. A healthy dependence and bond based on mutual evolution and freedom. This stage is where we establish a strong foundation in our relationship and feel secure in our partnership. It’s important to maintain open communication, continue to explore and grow together, and appreciate each other’s unique qualities and contributions to the relationship.

Understanding the stages of a romantic relationship is essential for establishing a healthy and secure partnership and can help you navigate the complex emotions and challenges that come with it. By recognizing the different stages and working through them together, we can build a strong foundation based on mutual respect, trust, and love. As a highly sensitive person, it’s important to take the time to understand your own attachment style and work through any patterns that may be impacting your relationships. If you need help navigating the stages of a relationship, a Vancouver counsellor at Constellations Counselling can provide you with the tools and resources to establish a secure and healthy relationship. Art therapy can also be a valuable tool in exploring and working through emotions that may arise during these stages. Remember that establishing a healthy romantic relationship takes time, effort, and patience. 

*The information on the stages of a romantic relationship is based on the works of various psychologists and relationship experts, including Robert J. Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love, Susan Campbell’s Five Stages of Relationships, John Gottman’s Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, and the research of Mark Knapp and Anita Vangelisti.  

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The Strength of Sensitivity: Navigating the World with Empathy, Insight, and Resilience as a Highly Sensitive Person

As a Vancouver counsellor at Constellations Counselling, I have seen many clients who identify as highly sensitive people. While being highly sensitive can sometimes present challenges, it is important to recognize that it can also be a strength. Let’s take some time and explore the unique qualities of highly sensitive people and how they can be leveraged to navigate the world with greater empathy, insight, and resilience.

First, let’s define what it means to be a highly sensitive person. Highly sensitive people, or HSPs, have a heightened sensitivity to stimuli in their environment. This can include things like loud noises, bright lights, and even strong emotions in others. HSPs may also process information more deeply and reflect on their experiences more than non-HSPs.

While this heightened sensitivity can sometimes be overwhelming, it can also be a strength. HSPs are often more attuned to the needs of others and can be great listeners and empathizers. They may also have a strong sense of intuition and be able to pick up on subtle cues that others may miss.

One metaphor that can be helpful in understanding the unique qualities of HSPs is that of a sponge. HSPs may soak up more information from their environment than non-HSPs, but this can also mean that they have a greater capacity for empathy and understanding.

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So, how can HSPs leverage their sensitivity as a strength? Here are a few ways:

Empathy: HSPs tend to have a heightened sense of empathy. This means that they are often able to pick up on the emotions of others, even if they are not explicitly expressed. This ability can be incredibly valuable in personal and professional relationships, as it allows them to tune into the needs of others and respond in a compassionate and empathetic way. For example, a highly sensitive person may be able to sense when a friend or family member is going through a difficult time and offer support and comfort before the person even asks for help.

Insight: Because HSPs process information deeply, they may have a greater understanding of their own emotions and motivations. HSPs tend to be introspective and analytical, which allows them to gain greater insight into themselves and the world around them. This can lead to a greater sense of self-awareness and a deeper understanding of their own needs and desires. This self-awareness can help them navigate challenges in life and make decisions that align with their values and goals.

Resilience: While being highly sensitive can sometimes be challenging, HSPs also have a great capacity for resilience. They may be more likely to seek out support when they need it and may have a greater appreciation for self-care practices like meditation and yoga. This resilience can help HSPs navigate difficult experiences and come out stronger on the other side.

Creativity: Highly sensitive people are often very creative and imaginative. They tend to have a rich inner world, which can be a source of inspiration and innovation. Many artists, writers, and musicians are highly sensitive people who have used their sensitivity to create works of art that speak to the human experience in a profound way.

It’s important to note that being highly sensitive is not a disorder or a weakness. Rather, it is a unique way of experiencing the world that can be leveraged as a strength. If you identify as an HSP, here are some tips for embracing your sensitivity:

Practice self-care: Because HSPs may be more prone to feeling overwhelmed or burnt out, it’s important to prioritize self-care. This could include things like taking time for relaxation, engaging in creative activities, or spending time in nature.

Create a safe and nurturing environment: HSPs tend to thrive in environments that are calm, quiet, and low-stimulus. If possible, try to create a space in your home or workplace that is free from distractions and sensory overload. This can help you feel more relaxed and focused.

Set boundaries: Learning to set clear boundaries with others is an important skill for highly sensitive people. HSPs are more prone to taking on others’ emotions or needs, so it’s important to set clear boundaries and say no when necessary. This can help prevent overwhelm and preserve your energy for the things that matter most to you. Practice saying no when you need to and communicate your needs and limitations clearly to others.

Practice mindfulness: Mindfulness practices like meditation or deep breathing can help HSPs tune into their bodies and emotions and respond in a more balanced way. This can help prevent feelings of overwhelm or anxiety. By learning to become more aware of your thoughts and emotions, you can learn to mindfully respond to them instead of reacting to them.

Seek therapy: If you’re struggling with your sensitivity, consider working with a clinical counsellor who understands the unique challenges of being an HSP. A counsellor can help you explore your sensitivity, develop coping strategies, build resilience, and help you learn to embrace your sensitivity as a strength.

Despite the many strengths of highly sensitive people, they can still face challenges in a world that is not always sensitive to their needs. For example, they may be more easily overwhelmed by bright lights, loud noises, or crowded environments. They may also be more sensitive to criticism or conflict, which can lead to feelings of anxiety or depression. However, with the right tools and support, highly sensitive people can learn to navigate these challenges and thrive in their personal and professional lives.

In conclusion, being a highly sensitive person is a strength that can help us navigate the world with greater empathy, insight, and resilience. While highly sensitive people may face unique challenges, they also have many strengths and gifts to offer the world. By learning to embrace their sensitivity and develop strategies for managing the challenges it can bring, highly sensitive people can live full and meaningful lives. Our clinical counsellors at Constellations Counselling have worked with many highly sensitive people and are passionate about helping them embrace their sensitivity.

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