From Self-Criticism to Self-Compassion: Overcoming Shame as a Highly Sensitive Person

As highly sensitive people, we are often prone to feelings of shame and self-criticism. We may feel like we don’t fit in with the “normal” world, or that we are too emotional or too sensitive. These feelings can be overwhelming and can hold us back from reaching our full potential. However, with self-compassion, we can learn to overcome shame and move towards a more positive and fulfilling life.

What is Self-Compassion?

Self-compassion is the act of treating ourselves with the same kindness, concern, and understanding that we would offer to a good friend. It involves acknowledging our feelings and struggles without judgment or criticism, and recognizing that we are human and imperfect. Self-compassion allows us to be kind to ourselves, even when we make mistakes or encounter difficult situations.

The Difference between Self-Compassion and Self-Esteem

Many people confuse self-compassion with self-esteem, but they are actually two different concepts. While self-esteem focuses on our sense of self-worth and value, self-compassion emphasizes our ability to be kind and understanding towards ourselves, even when we don’t feel worthy or valuable. In fact, self-compassion can actually lead to greater self-esteem by helping us feel more confident and resilient.

Why Self-Compassion is Important for Highly Sensitive People

Highly sensitive people may be more prone to self-criticism and shame due to their heightened emotional awareness and sensitivity to the world around them. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy or a sense of not measuring up to societal norms. However, with self-compassion, we can learn to accept ourselves for who we are, and to recognize that our sensitivity is a valuable trait.

Brene Brown, a renowned researcher and author, believes that shame can be overcome through empathy and self-compassion. She argues that we must learn to be kind and gentle with ourselves, treating ourselves with the same empathy and understanding that we offer to others. Highly sensitive people’s strengths include being empathetic and compassionate. To further these strengths, highly sensitive people need to learn to direct those strengths inward. By embracing our own imperfections and practicing self-compassion, we can break free from the cycle of shame and move towards a more positive and fulfilling life.

Three Steps to Overcoming Shame with Self-Compassion

Mindfulness: The first step in developing self-compassion is to become more mindful of our thoughts and feelings. We can practice mindfulness by simply noticing our thoughts and feelings without judgment or criticism. This can help us become more aware of our negative self-talk and the ways in which we may be contributing to our own shame.

Self-Kindness: Once we become more mindful, we can begin to practice self-kindness. This involves treating ourselves with the same kindness and understanding that we would offer to a good friend. We can do this by using positive self-talk and affirmations, and by practicing self-care and self-compassion exercises.

Common Humanity: Finally, it is important to remember that we are not alone in our struggles. All humans experience shame and self-doubt at times, and by recognizing our shared humanity, we can feel less isolated and more connected to others. This can help us feel more compassion towards ourselves and others, and can lead to greater resilience and emotional well-being.

Example Scenario: Overcoming Shame through Self-Compassion

Imagine that you are a highly sensitive person who has recently made a mistake at work. You are feeling overwhelmed and ashamed, and are struggling to move past the mistake. Here’s how you can use self-compassion to overcome these feelings:

Mindfulness: Take a few moments to simply notice your thoughts and feelings. Acknowledge the shame and self-criticism that you are experiencing, but try not to judge or criticize yourself further.

Self-Kindness: Offer yourself words of kindness and understanding, such as “I am only human, and it’s okay to make mistakes.” Practice self-care by taking a break or doing something you enjoy, and remind yourself of your strengths and positive qualities.

Common Humanity: Remember that all humans make mistakes and experience shame at times. You are not alone in your struggles, and by recognizing your shared humanity, you can feel more connected to others.

In conclusion, overcoming shame and self-criticism is a crucial step towards achieving a more positive and fulfilling life as a highly sensitive person. Self-compassion allows us to be kind to ourselves, even when we make mistakes or encounter difficult situations. By practicing mindfulness, self-kindness, and recognizing our common humanity, we can move towards a more positive and accepting relationship with ourselves. As a Vancouver counsellor at Constellations Counselling, I encourage highly sensitive individuals to embrace self-compassion as a powerful tool for overcoming shame and achieving emotional well-being. Remember, we are all human and imperfect, and that is okay.