Anxiety – Constellations Counselling

November 7, 2022November 5, 2022

Finding Orion

As a child I looked at the stars so often and for so long, I started to notice patterns among them. At some point, I learned about constellations and always yearned to learn more. I forget how and when I learned about the constellations but I do remember learning about the Big Dipper, the Little Dipper, and some others. For me, they were all hard to spot except for one. Orion. Orion was the easiest one for me to recognize mostly due to Orion’s belt. I could easily find those three little stars and from them I could see the entire constellation.

Find one pattern; step back; and see all the other patterns begin to connect. By finding the patterns in the stars and seeing how they connect, I learned how to see the bigger picture.

From then on Orion followed me throughout the years. During the winter months on clear nights, I could always count on Orion to be there. I remember many times pulling into my driveway not wanting to go inside to the chaos of my house, I would stand in my driveway and look up and find Orion. I could stay with him for as long as I needed. On nights when it felt impossible to sleep, I would look out my window and Orion would be waiting. Whether I needed some peace and quiet or a sense of ease, I could always rely on Orion’s remarkable presence to provide comfort.

Unlike my reflective conversations with the stars, there were not many conversations with Orion. It was more about seeing each other and being seen was important because I had felt unseen for so long. Orion validated my presence. I felt heard by the stars and seen by Orion.

In the recent past, I experienced many life transitions, which included many moves. During this time, I lost my connection with Orion. I had not seen nor looked for him in a couple of years. I was busy with other things and was looking forward rather than looking up. On my last move from the United States to Canada, I had settled into my new place. After a few months, everything was starting to feel stable. I awoke in the middle of the night and felt compelled to look out my window. It was a clear winter night. There had not been many clear nights in Vancouver since I moved. I looked out at the quiet street below and then I looked up. I could feel a warm comforting wave flow through my body and I smiled. There was Orion shining bright as ever. My reliable constellation. He was there with me in my new home. However, this time was different. This place was a home I created on my own. It was a haven filled with peace. My home finally had everything I needed to feel safe. Orion was not there to ease my pain. He was there to celebrate in my joy.

Seeing Orion thousands of miles from my childhood home and in my new home, felt like a full circle moment. And in that moment, everything felt like it would be all right.

If you are ever feeling alone on those dark winter nights, look up, find those recognizable three stars and you will find Orion waiting for you.

October 27, 2022October 22, 2022

What Happens in My First Counselling Session?

Is not knowing exactly what happens in your first counselling session causing some anxiety? Is fear keeping you from making an appointment because of uncertainty?

I’m here to assure you that although the first session can cause some rattled nerves there is nothing to be afraid of. Fear of the unknown is valid and experienced by many people.

Before a client has a first counselling session at Constellations Counselling in Vancouver BC, they have a complimentary consultation with a Registered Clinical Counsellor. This consultation is required and it is your opportunity to ask questions and generally see if the counsellor is a good therapeutic match for you. You can read more about the complimentary consultation in a previous post.

Even though clients have a complimentary consultation first, there is still some nervousness about the first official session which is common. We take your sense of safety seriously so there are a few things we do before we jump into the session. If you visit us in person, we will orient you to the office space and offer you water or tea. If you are still feeling nervous, we offer a grounding exercise to help you settle in if you are open to it. We can do this grounding exercise with online clients as well. Once you feel settled in we begin the session.

The first session with clients is an intake session. During this session, the counsellor will ask you a series of questions in order to start getting to know you. It’s basically an interview where we clarify goals for counselling, we ask about strengths, current coping skills, concerning symptoms, relevant family mental health history, and ask other questions that will help your counsellor build an individualized therapeutic plan for you. This process typically takes the entire first session to complete and can often be a part of the second session if not completed in the first.

If we complete the intake in the first session, then we typically focus on creating safety in the second session. How this will look will vary for each client and sometimes safety will be the primary focus for awhile especially if there is a significant amount of trauma. As a client, it’s important to feel comfortable and safe with your counsellor. A strong therapeutic relationship is essential to successful therapy outcomes. If you do not feel safe with your counsellor, then the therapy process will not work. After safety is established, we move into the main areas of concern the client wants to work on.

One way we practice safety with our clients is by being transparent about the counselling process. You will be informed about next steps in your counselling process and at any point if you ever have any questions we will answer them respectfully and honestly.

Throughout the counselling process, we welcome your feedback, concerns, and questions. We always want to know what is working and what is not. We build on what works and we shift when things are not working. Your counsellor aligns with you so you will be able to meet your therapeutic goals/intentions.

And after reading this, if you have any questions, please feel free to reach out to us.

If you are ready to book with Constellations Counselling, click the button below:

Note: This post has been updated from a previous post from 2018.

October 24, 2022October 22, 2022

What Happens During a Complimentary Counselling Consultation?

Constellations Counselling in Vancouver, BC offers online complimentary consultations for those interested in counselling.

Have you ever wondered what a complimentary counselling session entails? Or are you hesitating making an appointment because you do not know what to expect?

Let’s dive into it.

An online complimentary consultation for counselling is a free shortened session lasting 20 minutes with a counsellor. This is your opportunity to meet the counsellor and ask questions. The counsellor will tell you about their background, their therapeutic approach, expectations for counselling, and availability. All this information is also located on each counsellor’s profile on our website under Our Team.

During this session, you’re deciding if the counsellor is a good fit for your counselling needs and they are assessing if they can meet those needs. As Registered Clinical Counsellors, we will absolutely refer clients to another practitioner if what the client requests or what the client needs is outside of our scope of practice. It would be unethical not to do so.

This session goes by quickly so it is best to come prepared. After reading the counsellor’s profile, write down any outstanding questions you want to ask or anything you need further information on. Common questions asked by clients are answered in each counsellor’s profile. You can also read about each counsellor’s therapeutic approach and how they work with clients. There are many different types of therapeutic approaches so it is best to research the approach that may be best for you. Sometimes you may not know which therapeutic style is best until you try it or hear the counsellor explain it in further detail.

Although this consultation session is short, many people get a first impression by someone based on their intuition. If that is you, then trust what you feel. Go with what feels good and move forward from what does not feel right.

If this is your first time seeking therapy, we strongly encourage you to meet with a few different counsellors before deciding on one. We understand this process takes more time but it is worth it. All the counsellors you meet may be great but there is usually one that feels more right than the others. Counselling is such a personal journey it’s important to choose the person who resonates with you the most.

As a client, it’s important to feel comfortable and safe with your counsellor. And in order for the counselling process to be effective this safety and trust must be at the foundation of your therapeutic relationship. You deserve to have a counsellor that is empathetic, patient, non-judgmental, and is able to hold space for you in the way you need them to.

You can make an online complimentary consultation below:

June 18, 2018June 18, 2018

What happens in my first therapy session?

Is not knowing exactly what happens in your first counselling session causing some anxiety? Is fear keeping you from making an appointment because of uncertainty?

I’m here to assure you that although the first session can cause some rattled nerves there is nothing to be afraid of. Fear of the unknown is valid and experienced by many people.

During the first session with my clients, there is an intake process. You will fill out some paperwork that involves consent to participate in therapy and a confidentiality agreement. After you read and sign it, I check in with you to see if you have any questions. If you’re not familiar with my therapeutic approach then I tell you about how I like to work with clients. Then we move on to some questions about your medical background, current habits, concerning symptoms, and the reason you are seeking therapy.

This process can fill up the entire first session. It’s one of the most important sessions because we are getting to know each other. You’re deciding if I’m a good fit for your counselling needs and I am assessing if I can meet those needs. As a clinical counsellor I will absolutely refer clients to another practitioner if that is what the client requests or if the client’s needs are outside of my scope of practice. It would be unethical not to do so.

As a client, it’s important to feel comfortable and safe with your counsellor. A strong therapeutic relationship is essential to successful therapy outcomes. If you feel like you don’t trust or respect your counsellor, then the therapy process will not work. You also must feel safe with your counsellor and feel like you can open up to them without the fear of being judged.

The first session is just the beginning to building a strong foundation for your healing process and it vital to find a counsellor that you can connect with. The first counsellor you meet may not be a good fit for you, or even the second or third, so take your time in finding a counsellor who will hold space for you in the way you need them to.

connection-new

So consider the first session as a ‘getting to know each other’ session. Depending on the client’s needs, goals may be talked about as well as some treatment planning and resources. But mostly it’s an introduction session. If a client has been in therapy before or is in crisis, then this linear process may look a lot different.

No matter what, as a counsellor I believe it’s important to meet you where you are and then proceed from there.

See, not too scary, right?

I usually have light refreshments in my office as well so there’s that. 😊

And of course, there’s the art therapy piece of what I do but I’ll save that for my next post.

*Heather Hassenbein is a Registered Clinical Counsellor and Professional Art Therapist located in Vancouver, BC.

March 14, 2018March 18, 2018

Exercise to Calm Anxiety

If you are dealing with anxiety, you are not alone. Anxiety and mood disorders are the most common type of mental illnesses in the United States and Canada. If you have anxiety you know what it feels like. It feels like crap! Some typical anxiety symptoms are dizziness, tension, nervous stomach, racing heart, chest tightness, muscle tightness, dry mouth, fear of dying, nausea, and on and on and on.

Good times right?

NO!

Our minds are incredibly powerful. The mind can create happiness and hell. It can lift you up as easily as it can bring you down. Now let me share something else with you. You are incredibly powerful! You are the master of your mind. Perhaps you have forgotten this. Sometimes I forget. My mind will easily spin out of control if I forget this. Left unchecked and untrained the mind can take over and cause chaos. No one is immune from experiencing anxiety; not even therapists.

The bright news is that anxiety is treatable. There are many ways to help you calm and manage and even alleviate anxiety. Everyone experiences anxiety differently and a treatment that works for one person may not work for another. A therapist will work with you and help you discover the methods that work best for you.

I offer a well-known exercise to help calm and balance you while you are experiencing anxiety or a panic attack. And practice, practice, practice. Use this often even when you are not experiencing anxiety. When you are in the middle of a panic attack, it is hard to remember your tools. Practicing will help you access this calming exercise and your mind and body will work together to help you ground into calm faster.

First take a deep breath. Breathe into your belly so it rises and falls at a slow even pace. If it helps, put one hand on your belly to make sure you are breathing deeply. Deep breaths send signals to the mind that everything is safe – that you are safe. Take at least 3 deep breaths – more are always okay.

Look around you and name 5 things you see. Look at each object’s shape, size, color, and texture.
Look around and name 4 things you feel. Feel your feet on the ground. Feel your skin against your clothes or rub your fingers together. Press your lips together or feel your teeth with your tongue.
Look around and name 3 things you hear. Hear the clock ticking. Hear the traffic outside. Hear the birds, wind, or rain.
Look around and name 2 things you smell. Smell any nearby perfume. Smell some spices from your kitchen cabinet. Smell your hair or skin.
Look around and name 1 thing you taste. Taste in your mouth. Taste a piece of your favorite food.

This exercise can be done as many times as needed. It can also be adapted. If you can’t remember the sequence of numbers, just choose a single number for all the senses.

And remember this: You are powerful!

March 12, 2018March 18, 2018

Talking With Your Emotions

I went to a weekly yin yoga class, after four weeks of not going, because I knew I needed it. I usually find a free yoga class on YouTube but I felt I needed to get out and connect with the community. While in class, the teacher read “The Guest House” by Rumi. It was one I had not read before but it was appropriate for my own self care needs. Working on what I need not only takes practice but it takes time and focus. If I do not find the time to care for myself I end up feeling low in energy and in mood and disconnected from myself and others. If I do not show up for myself, I am not able to be present for others.

The poem was appropriate because of its message on being with whatever emotions rise up within us. Being overwhelmed by emotions is not uncommon. It is easy to embrace feelings that make us feel good like love, joy, and excitement. Those “good” feelings are easy to invite into our awareness and into our bodies because they make us feel light and uplifted.

The other “not so good” emotions are harder to stay with. They feel dark and heavy and can cause discomfort in the body. It is often difficult to sit with emotions like sadness, fear, and anger. There is a tendency, even in myself, to want to push those emotions away or run from them. There are a variety of reasons emotions cause such unease. One reason may be because we are taught to, clearly or inexplicitly, by family, friends, and society to ignore or hide our feelings. We are not supposed to cry in public so we stuff sadness deep down in our bodies. We should be strong and brave so fear gets cast aside to some dark corner. We are not supposed to get angry, especially if you are a girl, so that gets buried within. And there they all sit alone and forgotten. These abandoned emotions become stuck in the mind and body unable to be expressed therefore released. The problem then becomes never learning how to process and cope with those “unacceptable” emotions. We learn to fear them instead. And since nothing can stay buried forever these “scary” emotions will find a way to rise – most likely through some kind of stimulus.

The manifestation of anxiety can be a response to feeling these types of “scary” emotions. The knee jerk reaction to “I’m feeling something uncomfortable” can trigger anxiety. When anxiety is serving its purpose, which is to notify us of a danger or threat so we can act appropriately, will dissipate after it has completed its job. But when we have learned to fear our emotions and our brains perceive a false danger, anxiety can arise and spin out of control.

So what can we do to unlearn all this?

I think Rumi offered a great message. Practice welcoming and entertaining your emotions as they appear – all of your emotions. Every emotion that arises within you is an opportunity to get to know yourself better. Feel free to personify happiness, sadness, fear, anger, joy, and love. When happiness arrives, say hello to it. Ask it how it’s doing. Ask happiness if it needs anything. And do the same with sadness and the emotions that seem to instigate anxiety. Do it with anxiety! “Hey anxiety! What’s up?! I see you popped in unexpectedly can I get you anything? A blanket? Some tea? Have a seat over here. If you want to talk, we can but if not then I have things to do around here. You can leave whenever you’re ready and if I don’t get a goodbye that’s okay. I’ll see ya!”

Seem out there? Have I lost you? Even if this seems bananas I implore you to try it and see for yourself. Let your imagination run wild with this activity. I’m offering you the freedom to do so. Actually set up a place for the emotion. Make it a cup of tea. No one has to know what you are doing except you. I have done this and it has been enlightening. In my experience, the emotion usually left without my awareness. When I finally stopped and checked in with myself, the emotion was gone.

This exercise is a practice in compassion. It’s about being compassionate with yourself – all of you – including your emotions. When we choose to hold space for our emotions, instead of stuffing them away, we are sending a message to ourselves that we are safe. We are telling ourselves we do not have to fear our emotions.

This exercise also engages the creative mind. Your imagination is very powerful. It can either work for you or work against you. When you’re anxious, you imagine all kinds of horrible things don’t you? I know this firsthand. However, why not play with your imagination so it works for you. Train your mind to take care of you. So get to know the parts of you that seem scary. Face them…care for them…play with them…because once you do your emotions can rise and fall without fear.

You are more powerful than you realize.

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

~ Jellaludin Rumi
(Translation by Coleman Barks)